12 Signs your partner COULD be having an affair

Are you worried that your partner could be having an affair? Are you too scared to ask them about it in case the answer is yes? It’s not uncommon for someone to have a suspicion about their partner but to push the thoughts to one side because they’re in denial about what might be going on. They feel as though they wouldn’t be able to cope if that was the reality.

My ex has never admitted to me that he had an affair but, I had to reach that conclusion myself to be able to get closure and move on. With hindsight there were a few things like staying out really late, not contacting me or answering the phone when he was supposedly away with work (he’d left his phone in the car!) and he stopped wanting to spend time with me. But I trusted him - so I believed his excuses.

The list below is an indication that your partner COULD be having an affair. BUT it’s more about noticing changes in their behaviour and your relationship and above all, trusting your instinct. Just because you may have noticed one of the things – don’t jump to any conclusions.

1. They’re taking more interest in their appearance – have you noticed your partner suddenly taking more interest in their clothes and how they’re dressing - whereas previously they barely looked in the mirror? Maybe they’ve splashed out and bought new clothes which are different to their normal style. They’re taking a lot more care about how they dress and taking longer to get ready. It could be that they’re trying to impress someone.

2. They’re exercising more – Is your partner taking more interest in their body and how it looks? Have they just joined a gym for the first time, are they exercising more than usual, or have they hired a personal trainer? Are they concerned about their weight and more careful about their diet and what they eat - whereas previously they wouldn’t give it a second thought?

3. They’re more secretive –they’re permanently attached to their phone and have changed the passcode. Do they take it everywhere with them and is this a change in their behaviour? Are they taking calls at odd times of the day and stepping outside to speak? Maybe they’ve changed the password on their computer. Do you feel like they’re trying to hide something from you?

4. They’re defensive – Have you noticed that they’re defensive when you ask them seemingly innocent questions like - what they’ve been up to or where they’ve been? Their reaction seems a bit extreme given what you’ve asked them.

5. They’re working longer hours and staying away more – but there hasn’t been a change in their job such as a promotion. It feels like they don’t want to spend any time at home, and when they are away, you don’t hear from them or you can’t get in touch with them.

6. They’ve withdrawn from you – maybe they’ve stopped asking you how your day was or what you’ve been up to and show no interest in your life. There’s little conversation between you anymore and the banter between you has gone. They don’t tell you they love you anymore.

7. They’re taking more cash out than normal – and they haven’t got a plausible explanation for it. A change in their spending habits could be a sign of going for more meals out or paying for hotels with cash.

8. There’s a change to your sex life – you previously had an active sex life that’s dwindled lately, or your partner is showing no interest in you sexually and making excuses. Or it could also be that your partner suddenly wants to have more sex and has become more adventurous.

9. You’ve caught them out in a lie – explanations they’ve given you don’t ring true or stack up. You’ve caught them lying about something and then they’ve become defensive or angry when you’ve brought it up (because they’ve been caught out). Often when people are telling lies, they will elaborate the story and give a lot more detail than is necessary to try and make them believable.

10. They’ve started doing more things on their own – Perhaps there were things you used to do together that your partner prefers to do on their own now. Eg you may have gone to the gym together previously or maybe they start going out with their friends more instead of arranging things as a couple.

11. They’re critical of you – it could be that they have started criticising you and finding fault with you over things that wouldn’t have bothered them before. Are they picking arguments with you and generally being irritable with you? This could be an indication that they’re trying to justify to themselves why they’re having an affair.

12. Your intuition is telling you that they are having an affair – this is possibly the strongest clue. Our gut instinct is often correct. It may not even be anything obvious, but you just notice subtle changes in behaviour or there’s something you can’t quite put your finger on.

If you suspect that your partner is having an affair, then you need to decide if you want to raise the issue with them. I’ve deliberately not used the word ‘confront’ - as unless you have hard evidence of an affair, then that probably isn’t the best approach. Choose a time when there are no other distractions to have a conversation with them and try not to be accusatory. Tell them what you’ve noticed and how you’re feeling and see what they have to say.

If it turns out that they are having an affair and your relationship is over, then make sure you have close friends and family around you who can give you the support that you’ll need. It’s traumatic and devastating so you need all the support you can get.

You can also read a previous blog here: 11 Tips to moving on after an affair https://www.sarah-woodward.com/blog/11-tips-to-moving-on-after-an-affair

If you're currently going through a breakup head over to my free Facebook Group - The breakup and Divorce Lounge. It’s a community of women all in the same situation who are there to support and encourage each other in a safe and non-judgemental space. https://bit.ly/thebreakupanddivorcelounge