11 Tips to moving on after an affair
Sep 07, 2020
Moving on from the end of a relationship after an affair is really tough. But what happens to you in life doesn’t have to define you - it’s up to you how you choose to react and who you become.
Despite all the overwhelming negative emotions you’re feeling, it is possible to take control and go on to have an amazing future - even though it’s different to what you had originally planned. You can still have the fantastic life that you deserve.
It’s not going to happen over-night and healing takes time, but by taking small steps you’ll gradually start to make progress in moving on with your life.
Here are some tips to help you start getting over the affair and moving on:
- Acknowledge your feelings – You’ll be experiencing a whole range of emotions such as anger, shock, betrayal and heartbreak. Know that this is absolutely normal for what you’re going through. Allow yourself to sit with those feelings rather than stuffing them down. You’re grieving the end of your relationship.
- Don’t compare yourself to the other party involved – It’s only natural to question yourself if your partner’s had an affair. To wonder what you did wrong and what the other person has that you don’t… However, these questions don’t help with your healing and do nothing for your confidence and self-esteem. You have no control over any of it. Instead focus your attention on YOU and what you can do to help yourself move on. Have an alternative narrative ready, such as positive affirmations, when these questions pop into your head.
- Take off your rose-tinted glasses – It’s only natural for us to remember all the good times in our relationship – we’re wired that way. But take the time to sit down and write down everything that was actually wrong with your relationship. Keep the list to hand so that you can refer back to it whenever you need it to give yourself a more balanced view.
- Support network – make sure you have your support network in place early on. Everyone close to you will have their own opinions and be outraged for you. Try and pick a couple of friends / close family members who can remain more objective and be more of a positive influence in helping you to move on. When you’re ready you may need access to a solicitor and Financial Adviser.
- Gratitude Journal – This is a really effective way of improving your mood. It’s impossible to feel down when you’re being grateful. It’s been scientifically proven that keeping a gratitude journal, every day for 3 weeks, will make you feel happier. Try listing down 3 things every day that you’re grateful for – no matter how small they are to start with.
- Self- care – Now’s the time to really focus on looking after yourself. When you’re grieving it’s too easy to get into a routine of not eating or sleeping properly which reduces your resilience. Commit to making time for yourself to relax, eat healthily and getting enough sleep.
- Exercise – This is often the last thing we feel like doing even if we’re used to exercising regularly. However, exercise can have a massive effect on your emotional well-being due to the release of all the endorphins. It doesn’t have to be HIIT workouts every day – find something you enjoy – even if that’s some gentle yoga. If you can get outside in nature – even better. Try and go with a friend if possible so that they can give you some moral support and you’re also more likely to stick to a routine.
- Journal – This is a great way to release and process all the feelings you’re experiencing. Try and find a quiet 10 minutes at the start or end of your day to do this or journal when you feel overcome by your emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to journal – just write what comes to you and try and explore it.
- Revenge – In the early stages when you’re experiencing hurt and anger you might feel like revenge will help you feel better. However, there’s evidence to suggest it only makes you feel worse – especially in the long run. Instead focus your energy on yourself and everything you can do to help you move forward. The best revenge is to hold your head up high and show your ex what a great life you’re having.
- Children – If you’re thinking of telling your children that the other parent has had an affair – ask yourself whose benefit that’s for. As difficult as this might be - try and make the children your priority and that involves them having a great relationship with both parents. Don’t put them in the position that they feel they have to take sides.
- Social Media – Stalking your ex on social media to find out what they’re up to is only going to make yourself feel worse. Block them and any of their friends you’re connected to. Ideally take a complete break from social media for a while. The images on social media tend to portray everyone living the perfect life and you just don’t need to see that at the moment. This will help you to focus on yourself and your healing.
All the above tips are simple, practical steps that are easy for you to implement. By stacking all the techniques, you’ll soon find yourself starting to feel more positive and more in control of your life.
If you’re struggling to move on after your partner’s had an affair - you can email me on [email protected] to book a free 15-minute discovery call to see how I can support you.
I also have a free guide you can download here: www.sarah-woodward.com/10Tips