Your Christmas survival guide for the first one post-divorce.

Navigating the first Christmas after my divorce was challenging to say the least.

I'd always loved the festive period, but after my breakup I just wanted to bury my head in the sand and wait for it all to be over.

You can’t escape it… you’re bombarded with it everywhere you look… whether that’s on social media, at the supermarket or in the office with everyone excited for the Christmas party.

So, if you’d rather not think about it this year and wish you could just bypass the whole festive season and head straight into January.

Or maybe you’re facing the first one on your own and navigating the minefield of sharing your kids on the big day.

Or perhaps you’re staring December in the face and asking, ‘how am I going to get through this?’

Here are 10 Tips to help you survive your first Christmas post-divorce.

1. Have a plan– Don’t leave this to the last minute and hope that something will come up. Take control of the situation and have a plan on how you’d like to spend the day. And if that’s choosing to spend it on your own, that’s ok. Be selfish and spend the time exactly how you want to. Otherwise try and have a good balance of spending time with loved ones and time to yourself. Don’t exhaust yourself cramming so much in as a way of distracting yourself from your feelings… take some time to process what’s coming up for you.

2. Take a break from social media – Comparing your situation to everyone else’s highlight reels and their seemingly ‘perfect’ Christmas is not going to support your mental health. If taking a complete break feels too much then mute accounts that you know are likely to upset you and instead follow some inspirational, positive accounts. And definitely no stalking your ex to find out what they’re up to and who they’re with… block them if you can.

3. Start new traditions – Instead of keeping routines that you shared as a couple, use this Christmas to start some new traditions and claim the season as your own. Focus on what you truly enjoy which might mean gifting yourself something special, joining friends for lunch, going for a long walk, having a spa day or doing a holiday themed self-care ritual.

4. Learn to say No – don’t say yes to things just because you feel obliged to. Let go of your own expectations of yourself and those of other people. Ignore the things you feel you ‘should’ be doing and instead ask yourself what you actually want to do. It’s difficult enough at this time of year so learn to say No to things you don’t want to do and be ok with that. If you don’t want to send cards or do presents – that’s fine. It can literally take all your energy to get through the day when you’re going through a breakup, so don’t put yourself under added pressure.

5. Get away– do something completely different, get away somewhere new and make some new memories. There are lots of activity-based trips available which would help to keep you distracted and they’re a great opportunity for meeting new people. If finances are tight, then house-sitting or pet-sitting where you don’t have to pay for the accommodation are a great way to get a change of scenery. If you have any single friends, plan a trip together.

6. Volunteer – There are a lot of people in need over the festive period. Think about volunteering for a charity that’s close to your heart. It’s a great distraction. As well as doing some good for other people, the act of kindness makes you feel better about yourself and activates your ‘happy hormones’. It also has a ripple effect where someone you’ve shown kindness to is likely to go on and reciprocate that kindness.

7. Ask yourself what makes you happy - List down at least 5 things that you love to do and that make you happy. Try and plan these in over the festive period and make sure you have at least one thing planned that brings you joy every day. It's crucial for our wellbeing and happiness that we consciously ensure we experience positive emotions regularly in our life.

8. Make time for you – It’s difficult to make time for self-care at the best of times, let alone over Christmas which can be hectic. Try and carve out some time that’s just for you and do something you love - whether that’s reading a book, taking a soak in the bath, or going for a walk in nature. Journaling can also be a great way of processing all the feelings that are coming up for you.

9. Binge that series you’ve been waiting to watch – Now’s the time to take advantage of the time off and immerse yourself in the boxsets you’ve been meaning to get round to all year. Laughter is a great way to change your mood, so have a list to hand of your favourite movies and tv programs that never fail to make you laugh out loud.

10. Prepare your Breakup Bucket List – take the time to focus on where you want to be this time next year. Think about where you want to be, what you’d love to be doing and who you’d be with. If you’re a visual person turn this into a vision board and put it somewhere that you can see it every day. What we focus on in life, we see more of, and you’ll find that opportunities start to come your way when you have clarity about what you want in life. Given the vision of where you want to be, think about the goals you could set yourself to start making it a reality.

There’s no denying that the first Christmas after your breakup can be tough but there are plenty of things you can do to help you survive the festive period. Try and keep things in perspective… it’s just one day… and it will pass.