Going through a breakup can be a really traumatic time in your life and you need to make sure you have as much support around you as possible.
That’s why I’d recommend getting a support team in place as soon as you can so you can reach out to them whenever you need the support, especially in the early stages. It stops you feeling so isolated and helps you to dial down the negative emotions that you will inevitably feel. Having someone you can call at 3am when you can’t sleep as you’re upset and your mind is racing, or a solicitor on hand to answer that pressing question can make all the difference.
But it’s not necessarily the people you might think who are best to have on your team. Often close friends and family are too close to the situation and have an opinion on what you should and shouldn’t do. It’s better to have someone a bit more removed.
So, these are the people you should have on your team:
1. Family and Friends – But think carefully about who you choose. It needs to be people who you are close to but are not too emotionally invested in the situation. You need someone who is a good listener and you feel comfortable opening up to, but not too judgemental and has the time to give you. They need to be able to give you constructive advice and help you focus on your future as well as your immediate needs.
2. An exercise buddy – Exercise is normally the last thing we feel like doing when we’re going through a breakup, even if we’re used to doing it regularly. But it’s so good for us and really helps our mood by releasing all those endorphins into our body. Moving your body naturally changes how you feel. You need to choose something that you really enjoy whether that’s a walk outside, a run or a yoga class. Having a friend that can turn up and encourage you to go when you don’t feel like it is just what you need.
Exercise was a huge help to me whilst I was going through my own divorce. I would literally drive to the gym after work in tears, but after having a session with my personal trainer I’d drive home feeling so much better.
3. A solicitor – Now it is possible to go through a divorce without using a solicitor (as discussed in a previous blog) but that depends on your situation. Assuming you need a solicitor it’s really important that you choose one you like and feel comfortable with. You’ll be sharing a lot of personal information with them.
Don’t just choose the first one that comes up in a google search for solicitors in your area. Ask for recommendations and try and meet with three if possible before you make your choice. Every situation is different so just because a solicitor worked really well for a friend, doesn’t mean they are the right person for you. Many solicitors offer a short introductory meeting free of charge so you can see if you’d feel happy working with them.
Always make sure you ask what their fees are and if possible, get an estimate of what they think the cost will be given the circumstances of your case. Ask them how you can keep the costs down.
The type of solicitor you choose will also set the tone of your divorce eg acrimonious or amicable so make sure you think about what you really want before engaging one.
4. A Financial Advisor – It’s always a good idea to use a financial advisor if you’re going through a divorce or a breakup. They can help you assess your personal financial situation so that you know exactly where you are with your finances. Understanding your personal finances is often one of the scariest things you have to do during a breakup. But instead of avoiding it, face up to it as then you can do something about it if you need to. If it turns out you’ll be fine, it removes a huge amount of anxiety and overwhelm.
5. A Breakup and divorce coach – I know that if I’d had access to a breakup and divorce coach it would have helped me get over my divorce so much quicker. A coach is able to give you a whole range of tools and techniques that help you manage all the negative emotions yourself so that you can gradually start moving on with your life. They can work with you to plan out a future that you’re really excited to live again. They are totally objective and non-judgemental so you can really open up to them about what you’re feeling.
If you’re struggling with any aspect of your breakup, and would benefit from personal and professional help from me.
Email me today at [email protected] and together we can start to help you move on from your breakup and create a future that you can look forward to. You don’t have to do this alone.