Why More Over 50s Are Saying 'I Do' to Divorce
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Jun 24, 2024
You only have to look at the news over the last couple of years to see the increase in the number of celebrities divorcing over the age of 50. The latest couple in the media is Ruth Langsford and Eamonn Holmes who are finding themselves in the company of other celebrity couples such as Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness, Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner and of course Bill and Melinda Gates.
Although the overall divorce rates in the UK have been declining, these celebrities are reflecting the overall trend in the increase in divorce rates for couples over the age of 50 following a long-term marriage. These couples have often been married for many years or decades but ultimately decide to split during the later years of their lives. The terms grey divorce or silver splitters has been used to describe these couples.
The cumulative percentages of marriages ending in divorce by their 25th (silver) wedding anniversary has increased over time. In the UK for couples who married in 1963 (the first cohort with data available), 23% had divorced by their 25th anniversary. This has steadily risen to 41% for couples who married in 1996 (the latest marriage cohort to potentially reach their 25th anniversary).
There are several reasons that we’re seeing the increase in the number of divorces in this age group:
- Less stigma associated with divorce - When this age group were growing up, the ‘expected’ path to follow in life was that you got married and had kids. You stayed together… till death us do part… even if it was an unhappy marriage. There was a lot of stigma and shame around divorce, and it wasn’t as widely accepted as it is today, so couples stayed together and made the best of it.
The world has changed now, and divorce is more common, and more socially accepted. Whilst for this generation, their parents would have stayed together in an unhappy marriage, these couples realise there is another option, and they are calling time on their marriage after many years together.
- Empty nesters – For many couples they acknowledged their marriage wasn’t working years ago but made the decision to stay together for the sake of the children. They didn’t want to split up the family unit and disrupt family life until after the children had finished their education. Once the children have left the family home, and have their own lives, they feel able to go their separate ways and start a new life.
- They’ve grown apart – Once the children have flown the nest, some couples realise that they no longer have anything in common and want different things out of life. It was the children that provided the glue to their marriage, all their focus was on the children, and they realise they neglected their relationship so that there is nothing left between them. Their lack of connection, shared interests and different aspirations for the future lead them to go their separate ways.
- Longer life expectancy – We’re now living longer than ever, and this is making people in this age group reassess their life and what they want for their future, especially as retirement approaches. Many couples in this age group decide that they don’t want to spend the rest of their life with their spouse when they potentially have another 30+ years left. They’re not prepared to settle and make the decision to start over whilst they’re still able to take the opportunity of finding happiness elsewhere.
- More financial security – Women in this age group are now more financially independent and have had their own successful careers. They are not financially dependent on their partners, which would have been the case in previous generations, which gives them the choice of leaving and starting over.
- Second chances and personal growth – Many adults use this time in their life, as they get older and approach retirement, as an opportunity to pursue their own interests and embark on personal growth. This can lead to some individuals reassessing their marriage and their spouse and deciding they want to explore an alternative future.
- Infidelity – This is still a major reason for divorce even amongst this age group. Lack of connection, shared interests and passion in the marriage cause some partners to look outside of their marriage to new connections or old flames.
- Ripple effect – It’s been shown that if your close friends divorce then there is a much higher risk that you will also divorce. Having close friends divorce who you thought were in a great relationship can make you stop and reassess your own situation and what you want out of life. It also means you have the support of someone who is in the same situation as you to help you navigate the process.
Divorcing in later life does not make it any less challenging or less heartbreaking, even if it's your decision to end the marriage. It’s emotionally draining and practically there are years of your life together that need to be unwound, including financial arrangements and joint friends and families.
If you find yourself in this situation… whether you’re contemplating leaving your marriage… or in the midst of a breakup… then coaching can support you by saving you time, money, and emotional heartache so that you can move on with the rest of your life and feel ready to say "YES" to your future
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