When I ask my clients what they think is stopping them moving on after their breakup, more often than not, the answer is FEAR.
The fear can be about many different things such as:
What is Fear
Fear is a natural, powerful and primitive human emotion. Our brain is programmed to keep us safe, so fear alerts us to the presence of danger or the threat of it. It’s not a sign of weakness. The threat of danger can either be real, such as a fire, or imagined like a fear of being single for the rest of our lives.
Your body responds physically when you’re faced with a fear. Stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline are released. Your blood pressure and heart rate can increase, and you start breathing faster.
Early humans were often in situations of physical danger, so they needed the fast strong responses that the fear evoked, and which caused a fight or flight response. For example, when they were faced with a bear, they could either stay and fight or run from it.
Fear can be a one-off feeling in response to a trigger or an everyday long-lasting problem. Although we don’t face the same threats today, our bodies still react to fear in the same way as our ancestors, for example going for a job interview, on a date or taking an exam.
We can’t physically fight or run away from the situations we face today. We either freeze and stop what we’re doing to focus on the threat and decide what we’re going to do, or we do fight or flight where we either deal with the situation directly or work around it. When the situation is overwhelming for us, we can experience fright where we do nothing but obsess about the situation, dwell on it and complain. If we stay in this response it can lead to depression and anxiety.
We react differently to real and imagined threats. Imagined threats can cause paralysis. Being scared about all the bad things that may or may not happen in the future causes you worry and anxiety, but you take no action because you’re stuck and overwhelmed.
Fear and anxiety can last for a short time and be over very quickly, or they can last much longer causing you to get stuck.
You can become overwhelmed by fear and avoid any situation where you expose yourself to it. Or you can be afraid that you try something to become unstuck and fail at it, or you can fear that the new things you try will be worse than where you’re at now.
Because our brains are designed to keep us safe, they want to keep us in our comfort zones as that’s what we know, even if that’s not the best things for us, for example being in a relationship that’s not good for us. We stay stuck because we know stuck and it’s familiar – even if familiar is bad for us.
Being stuck is not somewhere you want to be. It can make you feel hopeless and useless and a failure. You can end up convincing yourself that this is just the way it is and there’s nothing you can do about it.
At the crux of every fear is the limiting belief that you can’t handle the situation or that you’re not good enough.
But there are lots of things that you can do to help yourself become unstuck. Here are some tips that may help:
95% of what we worry about will never happen. Worrying is a waste of your time and energy as things rarely turn out as badly as you fear. Instead try and use that time and energy to take small steps to start tackling your fears. Every time you overcome a fear you create new neural pathways in your brain, so you become more confident and accomplished.
Life’s too short to stay stuck after your breakup, use the tips above to help move on and find the happiness you deserve.
If you need some support moving on after your breakup then drop me an email and we can book in a free discovery call to have a chat. [email protected]
You can join my free Facebook group – The Breakup and Divorce Lounge here https://www.facebook.com/groups/4219574664749863
I’d love to see you there. You’ll find a group of supportive women who get what you’re going through.