Even if it was your decision to end your relationship, it can still hurt and take you by surprise when you find out your ex has met someone new and moved on - especially if they’ve done so really quickly. Even though you ended the relationship and it’s what you wanted, you’ll still be grieving and coming to terms with what’s happened and that takes time.
If it was your partner who ended the relationship, it can be devastating to discover they’ve met someone else. The heartbreak and torment can be all consuming. It feels like you’ve been replaced, and you torture yourself with unhelpful questions such as
You question if what you had was even real if they could move on so quickly.
It can take over your life obsessing about what they’re doing together, whether they’ve introduced them to your joint friends and if they’ve taken them to your special place.
It’s tough to move on from this, especially when you’re heartbroken and grieving the loss of the future you dreamt of with your partner.
But there are things you can do and that starts with focusing on yourself and not your ex.
What do you love doing? What brings you joy, fun and happiness? What did you love to do when you were young? Make a list of everything you can think of and start planning some of those activities in your diary, so you have things to look forward to.
Who do you love to spend time with? Who lights you up and makes you feel good about yourself? Studies in Positive Psychology have shown that emotions are contagious, so make sure you’re spending time with these people rather than those who drain your energy and pull you down.
Take some time to reflect on what you couldn’t do when you were in your relationship that you can do now. What did you compromise on and what have you always wanted to do?
Now is the perfect opportunity to take up a new hobby that will give you something to focus on and is a great way of meeting new friends. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, or do you have a talent that you’d love to develop further? Using our strengths is so good for our wellbeing especially when we get in a state of flow, where we’re so absorbed in what we’re doing that the time just flies by.
Say yes to opportunities that come your way, even if you don’t feel like it. You never know where they’ll lead. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone and celebrate all your wins, no matter how small they may seem.
Consider volunteering for a charity that is close to your heart. This not only helps to give you a purpose but showing kindness to others releases the feel-good hormone oxytocin.
Set yourself some goals that are meaningful to you, such as getting fit, taking that trip you’ve always wanted to do or finally clearing out your spare room. More importantly make sure you celebrate all the milestones along the way.
Focus on the other relationships you have in your life and nurturing those. Spend time and reconnect with friends that you haven’t seen for a long time.
There’s no magic wand that’s going to take away your pain overnight, but I promise that if you start focusing on you and taking your control back, then things will start to get better. You’ll be so busy living your amazing new life, that you won’t give your ex a second thought.
If you’re feeling stuck and struggling to move on after your divorce then send me an email [email protected] or reach out to me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sarahwoodward_divorcecoach/ to chat about how I could support you so that you can feel happier and stronger than ever before after your divorce.