8 Tips to mend your broken heart

Divorce is the second most traumatic event you can experience in your lifetime, second only to the death of a loved one. You can experience a whole rollercoaster of emotions such as heartbreak, betrayal and anger whilst you’re grieving the loss of your relationship.

Heartbreak can cause paralyzing emotional pain and make you feel completely helpless. The emotional pain is so all consuming that it can even cause a tightness in your chest so it literally feels like your heart is broken. In rare cases heartbreak can actually cause heart failure which is known as ‘Broken heart syndrome’.

Heartbreak can cause your body to go into the fight or flight stress response. This then causes our system to be flooded with the stress hormone cortisol, which then suppresses our immune system. Scientific studies have demonstrated that heartbreak causes substantial cognitive and functional impairments such as a reduction in IQ and reduced logic and reasoning. It’s also been shown that exactly the same areas of the brain are activated when someone is subjected to the highest degree of physical pain or when they experience heartbreak.

Here are 8 Tips to mend a broken heart:

1. Get your support team in place – Make sure you surround yourself with people who light you up, make you feel good about yourself and are fun to be with.

2. Take off the rose-tinted glasses – Your brain tends to romanticise your relationship and put your ex on a pedestal. Make a list of everything that you weren’t happy with in your relationship, what was missing and what your partner did that annoyed you. Refer back to the list regularly.

3. Practice gratitude daily – It’s been scientifically proven that practicing gratitude regularly helps to improve your mood and calm the mind. Start each day by acknowledging 3 things you’re grateful for.

4. Stop going over what’s happened – Your brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s happening now and what’s in the past. When you retell your story it reconnects with all the negative emotions as though you’re going through your breakup again in that moment.

5. Take a break from social media - and as a minimum at least unfollow your ex. The last thing you need to see is posts from them showing what an amazing time they’re seemingly having. A lot of social media isn’t real - people only post the parts of their life that they want you to see. Take a break altogether if you can. It’s time to focus on yourself and your healing.

6. Practice self-compassion – It’s too easy to be full of self-loathing and self-critical when you’re suffering from heartbreak. Instead try to be kind and caring to yourself as well as non-judgemental. Talk to yourself as you would a friend in the same situation.

7. Exercise daily – This is often the last thing you feel like when you’re suffering from heartbreak but it has such a positive impact on your mental health as all the feel-good endorphins are released. Try and enlist a friend to keep you motivated and choose an activity you enjoy, even if it’s just a walk in nature.

8. Rediscover yourself and focus on your future – The best way to get unstuck and let go of the past is to focus on your future. What do you love doing? What’s your passion? What couldn’t you do whilst you were in your relationship? Make a Breakup Bucket List and start to tick off some of the items on there.

 When you're in the depths of grief it's difficult to imagine that things will ever get better - but they will. You will get through this and it's totally possible to emerge from this happier and stronger than ever before. 

If you’re struggling with divorce and finding it difficult to move on, book a free discovery call with me so we can have a chat about how I could help you overcome the heartbreak and start feeling better so that you can move on with your life

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