8 Tips to feel less stressed during your breakup.

Breakups and stress go hand in hand. Divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship is the second most stressful event you can go through in your lifetime.

You're dealing with the emotional upheaval, possibly a major life restructure, and the constant unknowns… all while still trying to function at work, be the best parent to your kids, and just show up in daily life.

It’s a lot.

When your stress is high, your nervous system stays stuck in fight, flight or freeze mode.
You might feel wired, on edge, emotionally numb… or like you’re constantly bracing for something bad to happen.

April is Stress Awareness Month so if you’re going through a breakup, it’s a good time to pause and reflect on how you're doing. Because stress doesn’t always look like panic attacks or meltdowns. Sometimes it shows up in more subtle ways:

• You can't focus on anything for more than a few minutes
• You're clenching your jaw without realising
• You’re snapping at people over nothing
• You feel exhausted all the time, even after a full night’s sleep. 

Here are 8 tips to help you reduce your stress levels during this difficult time.

They’re deliberately not big, complicated solutions… they’re small things you can do on a daily basis, that make a real difference to how you feel.

1.  Cut back on the stimulants

I know it’s tempting to reach for that second or third cup of coffee, or a chocolate bar after a rough night, but caffeine and sugar just fire up your nervous system even more. Reducing them even a little can have a positive impact on your nervous system.

2. Start saying ‘No’ more and protecting your energy

The stress of a breakup and major life change can’t be underestimated so now’s the time to start practicing those boundaries and protecting your energy.

• Say no to plans or people that feel draining
• Mute or unfollow accounts on social media that trigger comparison or sadness
• Don’t over-explain or try and justify yourself to people who don’t get it
• Choose healthy nutritious food that’s easy to prepare rather than ready meals
• Take a break from Googling divorce forums at 1am

3. Move your body gently

Now’s not the time for the intense workouts… even if that’s your normal go-to. Try walking, stretching, yoga or even swaying to music. If you can get out in nature, that's even better. Movement helps your body to process adrenaline and cortisol which are the stress hormones currently flooding your body.

4. Focus on your breathing

When you’re stressed and anxious your breathing gets shallow and fast.

Try slowing it down with simple breathing techniques like box breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4 and hold for 4. You can do this at any point and no one will even notice.

5. Anchor your day with one small calming ritual

Tiny predictable routines can help your nervous system to feel safe again. Pick one thing that helps you feel calm or cared for and get into a routine of doing it daily.

Maybe it’s:

• Your morning tea sat outside with no phone
• A warm bath with candles and music you love
• Journaling out the things circling in your head
• A 10-minute stretch before bed

Even if your world feels messy and out of control, this gives you a moment of calmness.

6. Ground yourself in the present

When your mind starts spinning and you feel the anxiety coming on, practice bringing your attention back to what’s actually happening right now.

Try this proven technique:

• Name 5 things you can see.
• 4 things you can touch.

• 3 things you can hear.
• 2 things you can smell and
• 1 thing you can taste.

7. Stimulate your vagus nerve

One of the fastest ways to calm your system is to stimulate your vagus nerve which plays a huge role in how safe and calm you feel. It’s the communication superhighway between your brain and body.

Try these proven techniques:

• Humming - a low, steady hum sends a calming signal to your nervous system
• Gargling with water - it stimulates the vagus nerve endings in your throat
• Splashing cold water on your face - helps reset your system quickly

8. Focus on what you can control

When you’re going through a breakup, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to control what your ex is doing and ruminating over who they’re talking to, how they’re behaving and why they've managed to move on so quickly.

But here’s the thing: you can’t control any of that.

All you can control is your thoughts and it’s your thoughts that shape how you feel. They’re the filter your entire experience runs through.

So, if you feel yourself getting stuck in a negative loop, catch yourself and gently start shifting your focus to what you can control. Start asking yourself more empowering questions like ‘How do I want to feel at the end of the day?’ or ‘What can I do right now to make myself feel better?’

Breakups are hard and stress isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong. It’s a sign that your system is under pressure. Be kind to yourself. You don’t have to fix everything this month. But you can take steps to feel just a little calmer and more in control.

This Stress Awareness Month, give yourself permission to slow down and breathe. You deserve that much, at the very least.

And if you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, this might be the time to get some support… whether that’s a coach, therapist, support group, or a friend who actually listens without judgement.