Breakups are often associated with feelings of failure, shame, guilt and rejection. Of being unlovable and not good enough. Your self -esteem can really take a real battering.
I know I thought that everyone must be wondering what was ’wrong with me’ to cause my marriage to fail. My self-esteem hit rock bottom. I’d failed at the one thing that mattered most to me in my life.
When you’re suffering from low self-esteem you have feelings of not being worthy or deserving. You’re very critical and negative towards yourself and you don’t love yourself.
After my divorce I really questioned everything. I completely lost faith in my judgement of people because I’d got it so wrong with my marriage.
I’d been with my husband for 16 years – since I was 19. I’d spent my whole adult life with him and then that was all taken away from me. Part of my identity had been wound up with him as his partner. I had to rediscover myself again as an independent person and work out what that actually meant.
Rebuilding your self-esteem is essential to being able to move on and live a happy life after your breakup.
Here are some suggestions to for you to work on your self-esteem:
Look at your breakup as a chapter in your life that’s ended. it’s time to start a new chapter and you have total control on how that chapter plays out.
It’s your opportunity to really stop and think about what you want from life. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in everyday life that we don’t take the time to stop and think about what we actually want.
Take some time to think about what your dreams and aspirations are. What can you do now that you couldn’t whilst you were in your relationship? What have you always wanted to do?
Start a Breakup Bucket List or use some old magazines to do a vision board. Now’s your chance to set yourself some goas and start taking small steps towards them.
Start talking to yourself with care, love and respect. Firstly, become aware of your negative self-talk as it happens and then reframe it into positive statements instead. It takes practice but it really does work. I’m much better now at stopping my negative self- talk.
Positive affirmations that you say to yourself every day can also be really helpful. Pin some up around the house so that you see them regularly.
Make time to read a book or your favourite magazine, chat to a friend or go for that run. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep and eating healthily. You’ll feel so much better and start valuing yourself more by showing yourself you’re worth it.
If you’re used to saying ‘Yes’ when you really mean ‘No’ for fear of upsetting someone - try and start saying what you really mean. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but it will make you so much happier and really help to improve your self-esteem.
It’s also really important to have strong boundaries in place when you start thinking about dating again – so start practicing now.
Going through a breakup is a traumatic experience, but it can also be an opportunity to look at your life and transform it into a life you love. It’s a chance to rediscover yourself and think about what you really want for the next chapter of your life.
Remember – what other people think of you is none of your business! It’s what you think and feel about yourself that really matters.
If you’d like some support with your self-esteem that drop me an email to book a free discovery call to see how I can help you at [email protected]
If you’re struggling to get over your breakup you can download my free guide on 10 Simple Secrets to let go of heartbreak and move on with your life after divorce. www.sarah-woodward.com/10-Secrets