10 things I’d be doing if I was going through my divorce now.

Divorce or the breakup of a long-term relationship is the second most traumatic thing you can go through in your lifetime… second only to the death of a loved one.

There’s a lot to deal with… all the practicalities that have to be navigated whilst you’re riding the emotional rollercoaster that you suddenly find yourself on… even if it was your decision

I know how stressful, daunting and overwhelming it can be… leaving you feeling battered.

Your life is changing significantly… and you’ve gone from having your future all mapped out to having no idea what it looks like.

And whereas normally you pride yourself of being in control and on top of things in your daily life.

It’s as much as you can do now to turn up for work on time or remember to eat… let alone make those big decisions that are going to impact the rest of your life.

You don’t know where to start… so you do nothing… and then beat yourself up for that.

Focusing on your emotional wellbeing during this time has to be a priority so that you can continue showing up in your life as you want to. This helps you to get the foundations in place so that you can start getting clarity on your situation, making the difficult decisions, and taking action.

Here are 10 things I’d be doing to support my emotional wellbeing if I was going through my divorce now. If you’re struggling with overwhelm just focus on one of these things and break it down into smaller, more manageable steps if that helps.

1.  Get my support team in place

This includes friends and family, particularly those who are not too invested in the situation and are able to remain objective. Sometimes those closest to us are not able to give us the best advice as they’re too close to the situation. It’s likely that you’ll need to engage a solicitor in the process to give you legal advice so speak to several and make sure you find someone you trust and feel comfortable with. A financial adviser is also a great asset to your team as they can help you get clarity on your financial situation and ensure you negotiate a settlement that’s in your best interests. A divorce coach is a great investment as not only can they support you with your emotional wellbeing and the practical challenges, but they can save you legal costs through increased clarity and ensuring you’re not offloading to your solicitor who charges a lot more.

2.  Get clarity on my finances

Yes, I know a lot of people dread this, but it has to be done. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re not on top of your finances, just make a start and break it down into small, manageable chunks. Just because you haven’t done it in the past doesn’t mean you’re not capable. There’s a lot of fear around the unknown which causes anxiety and stress and getting clarity on your situation can help to reduce this. You also need the clarity to make the important decisions about your future.

3.  Moving my body every day

Movement is a great way to shift your emotions and improve your mood. If you can combine it with getting out in nature, even better. Make sure you do something that you enjoy, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day. Scheduling it in your diary means you’re much more likely to do it, as does doing it with a friend… and you’re much more likely to turn up.

4.  Dialling up the self-care

I know this might not come easily to you but it’s essential that you dial up the self-care during this time. Divorce is the second most traumatic life event you can experience. Concentrate on moving your body, healthy nutrition, quality sleep and build in time for rest and restoration. Make it non-negotiable.

5.  Asking for help

Your friends and family will want to support you during this time but may not know what you need. Reach out and practice asking for help when you need it. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help.

6.  Practicing gratitude every day

It’s impossible to feel negative when you’re practicing gratitude and studies have shown that it can improve your mental health in as little as 15 days. Start with 3 things you’re grateful for every day and you’ll soon start to feel more positive.

7.  Being deliberate about who I spend my time with

Studies have shown that emotions are contagious, so make sure you’re spending time with people who light you up, are fun to be with and who make you feel good about yourself. Limit the time you spend with those mood hoovers. Do an audit of your friends, family and colleagues and consciously spend time with the people I call the radiators.

8.  Focusing on what I can control

It’s a time of uncertainty when you’re unsure what the future holds for you which can create a lot of anxiety and overwhelm. Focus on those things you can control and let go of the rest. A lot of time and emotional energy can be wasted focusing on things that you can do nothing about. Do a list of everything you’re worried about and put them into two columns – one of things you can control and the other that you can’t control. Focusing only on the things you can control will help you feel calmer, reducing the stress and giving you a sense of achievement.

9.  Taking the time to heal

It’s easy to distract yourself during this time as a way of avoiding the big emotions, but this means they’ll just come back to bite you in future. Allow yourself the time and space to feel all the emotions so that you can process them and start healing which will allow you to move on quicker. Be conscious of throwing yourself into work, partying hard or self-medicating as ways of trying to avoid your emotions.

10.  Saying “YES” to more opportunities

Challenge yourself to say yes to all the opportunities that come your way as you never know where they’ll lead. Step out of your comfort zone as that’s where the learnings and growth happen which leads to a happier and more fulfilled life. Look at things through a lens of curiosity and see where they lead.

If you’re ready to make divorce the best thing that’s ever happened to you then download my free guide here: https://sarah-woodward.co.uk/make-divorce-the-best-thing-thats-ever-happened-to-you