When I went through my divorce, many years ago now, there wasn’t such a thing as a divorce coach. But I know that if I’d had access to one then, I would have got over my divorce so much quicker.
I had a whole lot of therapy, week in week out and although it undoubtedly helped, it didn’t really equip me with the tools to move on with my life.
Divorce is the second most traumatic event you can experience in your life, second only to the death of a loved one. When you go through a breakup you are grieving the loss of your relationship and the life you had.
In my work as a breakup and divorce coach, I teach women the tools and techniques they need to be able to get over the heartbreak and move on with their lives.
Here are 10 reasons that you might want to think about working with a breakup and divorce coach
It’s a massive decision to end a marriage or long-term relationship and it has repercussions throughout the whole of your life.
You need to be sure that if you leave your partner, you do so with no regrets, and you feel certain that you have tried everything possible to make the relationship work.
If you have any doubts about whether to leave your partner, a divorce coach can work with you on an action plan that you can commit to for the next 3 months (ideally with your partner) in the hope of improving your relationship.
It is totally normal after a breakup to feel anger, heartbreak, betrayal, shock, denial, guilt and despair as all of these are part of the grieving process. However, they can become all-consuming and make it impossible for you to carry on with everyday life and perform even the simplest tasks.
In order to move on, you need to be able to dial down the intensity of these emotions little by little so that you can gradually resume everyday life. A divorce coach will teach you the techniques to be able to do this.
There are a whole range of tools and techniques that can be used to help you through the process to heal yourself. These are very simple and quick to implement so you can see immediate results. As you stack all the techniques on top of each other, you will see that you soon start making large steps forward.
Despite their best intentions, close friends and family will always have an opinion on your breakup, your ex and what you should do, which isn’t always helpful. You might also feel that you can’t tell them how you’re ‘really’ feeling as you don’t want to upset them, and you don’t want to keep ‘dumping’ on them.
A divorce coach is there to listen to you without judgement and is completely objective, so you are able to say exactly what you are thinking and feeling.
Having to start your life again after a breakup can be overwhelming and difficult to know where to start. As well as all the emotional challenges there can be practical issues such as where you are going to live, arrangements for the children, sorting out your finances and dealing with solicitors.
A divorce coach can work with you to help you gain clarity about what you want and to create an action plan that makes all of this much more manageable and less overwhelming.
Even through you may not have wanted your relationship to end, it’s important that you take control of the situation and don’t have it ‘done to you’.
By taking control you increase the chances of getting what you want, and it stops you feeling like a victim. If there really is no going back, then it is far better to feel empowered to make conscious choices about what you want. A divorce coach can help you work through the issues and decide what you want to happen.
When you come out of a relationship it can feel daunting about the sheer number of decisions that you need to make. You may have been used to discussing your decisions with your ex-partner, or they could have made all the important decisions in the relationship which means you have lost confidence in your own ability to make decisions.
A divorce coach can help you build your resilience back up again so that you trust your own judgement and feel confident making decisions on your own.
Your confidence and self-esteem can take a real battering after a breakup, especially if you didn’t initiate the split or your partner left you for someone else. It takes a lot of work to rebuild this, but it’s totally possible.
A divorce coach can help you rebuild your confidence and self-esteem by giving you small steps to take which eventually result in a big step forward.
Unfortunately, you often still have to have contact with your ex after your breakup, especially when there are children involved. This can be really difficult, particularly in the early days when emotions are still raw.
A divorce coach can help you put a strategy in place to minimise the amount of contact you have with your ex and to keep things practical. If you have children, you can discuss the best ways to co-parent or parallel parent.
A breakup or divorce can be an opportunity to review your life and decide what you want to do with your future. It could be a time to make big changes and do something that wasn’t possible whilst you were in your relationship. It’s a new chapter of your life.
A divorce coach can help you to rediscover yourself outside of the relationship and put a plan in place for your future that you are excited about. When we’re in a relationship we’re used to compromising or even sacrificing and can lose sight of what we actually enjoy doing.
Getting over a breakup is really tough, but it doesn’t mean that it’s all negative. It really is an opportunity to look at your life and focus on yourself and what you want for your future.
If you’re currently going through a breakup you can download my free guide: 10 Tips to help you heal yourself after the breakdown of a relationship.