Why 2021 could be your best year yet, even after your breakup!
Dec 07, 2020
Why 2021 could be your best year yet, newly single
Most people don’t go into marriage expecting it to fail, so when it does, it can feel like your whole world is shattered when it comes crashing down around you. You experience a whole roller-coaster of emotions such as shame, guilt, failure, heartbreak and betrayal. Divorce is the second most traumatic thing that can happen to you in your lifetime, second only to the death of a loved one.
There’s no denying that getting over a divorce is tough. You’re going through a grieving process and that takes time – it can take a long time. Your future as you imagined it no longer exits, leaving you anxious and uncertain about what it holds for you and bereft at the loss of your partner.
However, it can also be an opportunity for you and the start of a new chapter in your life. It could even be the best thing that has happened to you, especially if you have been in an abusive or controlling relationship or a loveless marriage.
Here are 7 reasons why 2021 could be your best year yet now you’re newly single:
- You can rediscover yourself – when you’re in a relationship your identity naturally becomes entwined with your partners. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship you can lose part of yourself and forget who you really are. You make compromises within the relationship to make it work. Now is your opportunity to rediscover yourself and even reinvent yourself if you want to! Take some time to be on your own and reflect on what you love doing and what lights you up. It’s a chance to redesign your life.
- You can be happier – especially if you’ve been in a negative relationship with lots of arguments as that can be really damaging for your mental health. It can feel like a huge relief knowing that you can please yourself without feeling like you’re treading on eggshells around someone. Now is the time to concentrate on you and what truly makes you happy. Researchers at the University of Kingston found that women are actually happier for up to five years after their divorce.
- Your confidence will increase – although your confidence might dip initially after your breakup, over time it will increase again. You’ll realise that you can achieve things that previously you would have thought impossible or you would have doubted yourself. You no longer have a partner to rely on, so you have to step up and you’ll feel amazing for it. Make sure you celebrate all your achievements, no matter how small they might seem.
- You have more freedom – you no longer have someone else to consider before you do something. You can choose to be totally selfish and don’t have to feel guilty if you take time out for you. Even if you have kids, you will still have precious time to yourself when your partner has the kids, which you may not have had before. Use the time to do something for you that you didn’t have time for before - whether that’s self-care or spending time with friends who are good fun and make you feel good about yourself.
- You can pursue your dreams - our dreams can often be put on hold when we’re in a relationship, especially if our partner doesn’t share our aspirations and that can lead to resentment over time. Now’s the time to start your Breakup Bucket List with everything you want to do in 2021 and beyond. What can you do now that you’re single that you couldn’t when you were in your relationship? What have you always wanted to do? Write it all down and set yourself some goals. By doing that we automatically focus on it more and our brain will be looking out for opportunities to meet those dreams.
- Your future relationships will benefit – take some time out to reflect on what didn’t work in your relationship and the part you played in that. Don’t view it as a failure, instead see it as an opportunity to learn. What have you learnt that will help to make your future relationships more fulfilling? Also take some time to think about what you want from your future relationships and partners. You will be more likely to find it if you know what you are looking for.
- Your kids will be happier – Many couples chose to stay together for the sake of the kids, but this isn’t always for the best. Kids pick up on any tensions and negativity within a relationship, even if you try to hide it from them. It can be much better for kids to have two happy parents who are separated than two unhappy parents in the same home. You will also be a role model for your kids in showing them how to be resilient and pick yourself up when life doesn’t go according to plan.
In the UK, 42% of marriages end in divorce, although the latest figures released for 2019 show that the number of divorces has increased by 18.4%. However, a study by the Marriage Foundation found that 31% of second marriages failed so there is evidence to suggest that second marriages are more successful.
If you are currently going through a breakup or you are still struggling to move on after one, be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you are grieving. Take some time to reflect on the list above and how you could focus on some of it. Think about what you want your life to look like in future and start taking some small steps to move you towards that. By starting to take some action you will feel more in control and empowered. Remember that life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% what you do about it (Charles Swindoll)
If you want some support to get 2021 off to the best start as a newly single person then email me at [email protected] and we can book in a free call to chat about how I could support you.
You can also join my free Facebook group - The Breakup and Divorce Lounge. It's a community of women all in the same situation who can support each other in a safe and non-judgemental space.